Much as it drives me crazy

I miss it. Already. I dont know why. So much lately within the last few weeks i have been going out of my mind cos durham has been driving me crazy since threre has been nothing to do. but after much madness and rantingall i want to do is go back now thatim fianlly where i apparently a few days ago wanted to go back to. Home. or "home". where i grew up, where my family are. But where i feel i belong? where im me? and my friends? I dont know.

I dont like the fact that it is so easy to rely on a certain place to make you who you are. I mean, you shouldn't find your identity through a plcae around you....yet still...i guess its to do with being settled. Like you get settled in durham, you find yourself a new church, you make new friends, you make your "life" in that place,..you kind of find your home. And then, bam, holidays so lets all go back to the place which you call home, but maybe it isnt actually your home cos havent you just made your home in that new place? Maybe not, i dont know. I dont get philisophical very often so when i try, i often find myself getting confused!?!!
My point is i guess that I miss Durham, becasue i feel me there but at home, its all still me but everything to else to go with that isnt there, if you get what i mean. My friends aren't here, i cant entertain myself, so i get restless and a bit bored, and then i miss it because i have thre months ahead of me of which i dont know how im going to fill them.

I think thats it. Im just scared and worried of how im going to fill these next 3 months in a place where i dont feel is really my home anymore. Home to me now, is more of a place i feel i can run off to because i know i can escape things in durham that i dont want to face or just want to get rid of, cos i feel safehere. But then, the rest of my life is in durham, the things i do, the people i hang around with, my friends etc.

(period of thinking)


I cant wait, actually, to see how this blog goes over the summer holidays. I'm so excited to see what God does with my life over these next few months and then look back at this blog and be like "what was i worrying for?". "For i know the plans I have for you"...Remember it Helen!!!! I just need to take one day at a time, and see where it leads me and see how things at home ,or wherever, go. Take it one step and one day at a time, and stop worrying.

There we go. Blgging it out...results in a positive finish, which i think anyone reading this will agree is a good thing!